Inspired by the Bayeux Tapestry and the meme, this pattern features medieval figures, a topsy-turvy house, and a barren field, devoid of all fucks.  The font is a recreation of the original tapestry-look writing, and the whole pattern is enclosed within a maroon border.
"Behold the field in which I grow my fucks.  Lay thine eyes upon it and thou shalt see that it is barren"
**Now includes Old English text version, translated by the amazing Kate R and female figure and alternate skin / hair colours**
Don't want to stitch it?  Buy it ready-made, here:
Or buy it as a kit, here:
Please note, this is an instant download PDF pattern, NOT a finished item!  
This will produce a stitched piece approximately 14" x 8.5" on 14 count Aida*.  You will need 13 different thread colours: we have recommended some DMC thread colours in the pattern, but you can use whichever colours you prefer.  For a 10" x 8" version, see here:
Please note, this is an instant download PDF pattern, NOT a finished item!  
You will receive five PDF files:
• 'How to Cross Stitch' guide including all stitches you will need for this project
• US Letter PDF pattern (Original Version)
• A4 PDF pattern (Original Version)
• US Letter PDF pattern (Old English Version)
• Alternate female figure plus skin / hair colour variations
All pattern files feature 3 versions of the pattern: black symbols, colour symbols, black symbols on coloured squares.
There are many other files, including no backstitching, A4 and US versions, colour, black & white etc, however Etsy only allows 5 files per listing. The extra will be available to download from our website after purchase, but please get in touch if you require a different version.
Stitches required:
• Full crosses
• Backstitching
• French knots (can be substituted with beads or omitted entirely if preferred)
You will need:
• Fabric (we recommend cream 14 count Aida cloth; the last 3 photos are sewn on DMC beige Aida)
• Embroidery thread / floss (pattern lists DMC brand colour codes but you can use any type)
• Embroidery needle
• Scissors / thread snippers
*Sizing (196 x 116 stitches):
• 14 count: 14" x 8.3"
• 18 count: 10.9" x 6.4"
• 20 count: 9.8" x 5.8"
• 28 count: 7" x 4.1"
All patterns are designed and created by Helen of Fandom Cross Stitchery; please do not redistribute or sell my designs.

Yippee Ki Yay Thou Fornicator of Motherhood Cross Stitch Pattern